How to have a Better Reaction

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Do you feel like you and your spouse are always triggering each other? Are you realizing that if you make changes in yourself, the arguments can change? But you may be asking how to change your reaction.

In today’s episode, Ron and Lexie Lee, The Married Counselors, discuss their own experience at automatic reactions and what they have learned can help change the look and feel of an argument.

If you’ve listened to the episode, you’ve heard Lexie’s personal story of reacting in anger at Ron in a situation that did not warrant anger. Why? Because it is easier to be angry than to show hurt and fear.

It is easier to be angry than to admit that we are hurt or afraid.

We have these automatic reactions when something is said or done that reminds us of a time in the past when we had a similar emotional hurt. Why is this? Our brain is wired to remember past dangers. This is what prevents us from touching fire. We know from past experience that it hurts to touch it and we need to avoid the danger. Emotional pain operates in the same way.

So what can we do?

4 Ways to a Better Outcome

Cultivate calmfake it to make it (body language)BREATHE

Expect a rational conversation

Give time between event and discussion

go for a walkschedule a time to discuss-don’t just leave

Ask different questions

Don’t ask “why” instead ask “what were you feeling”Help me understand from your point of view

Avoid putting on the defensive

Ask yourself are you feeding positive energy or negative energy

 

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